Cole Hamels

BP Boston Unfitlered: Game of Thrones: A Dance of Hamels

Note: Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

The scene begins where Season 4 left off – Tyrion and Varys on a ship headed out of King’s Landing toward the Free Cities. Tyrion remains in the box in order to avoid detection.

Tyrion: This is humiliating.

Varys: Would you rather be headed for the edge of Sir Ilyn’s blade, my lord? It’s not like you need much space anyway.

T:  Very funny.

V: How do you imagine that all of this will play out?

T: I suppose at this point we have to hope Cole Hamels Daenerys and her dragons will have to save the day, especially if PECOTA Mormont is right and the Yankees White Walkers are really back.

V: You don’t think Blake Swihart Tommen can do it? Your sister told me he might be the first person in 50 years to wear the crown and actually deserve it.

T: He’s too green. And now with Jon Lester my lord father dead, Swihart Tommen doesn’t have the man backing him that everyone is afraid of.

V: Young Blake Tommen still has the Henry Owens Knight of Flowers and the host of Pawtucket Highgarden behind him.

T: Owens Sir Loras is talented, yes, but he’s young and without any real experience to match the hype.

V: What makes you think Hamels Daenerys is a better option? Yes, she has won some battles and sits atop Philadelphia Mereen, but Philadelphia Mereen is not the American League Westeros. And the seat at the top of that pyramid, while treacherous, is not the same as sitting on a throne of sharp swords and dealing with the nest of vipers that is Boston King’s Landing.

T: (pulls out sheet of paper with an ominous odor and pokes it through one of the holes in the box) This is why.

V: (looks at sheet of paper and realizes it is the PECOTA projections for Cole Hamels and other possibilities) My lord, you remembered all this from our Winter Small Council meetings?

T: When one is stuck in a dungeon, one must find some way to survive. But you can see from that list that none of the other options are nearly as good as Hamels Dany. Rick Porcello Stannis might have all the smarts and the backing of the Iron Bank, but he does not have the potential of Cole Dany. Justin Masterson, Wade Miley, and Clay Buchholz The Small Council can’t be counted on to lead kingdom as they have enough trouble with their own problems. Joe Kelly Prince Oberyn had a lot of promise, and he made a lot of promises when he came to Boston King’s Landing. But his 2014 season head just got smashed in by the Mountain.

V: But Hamels Dany has no experience leading in the AL East Westeros, either.

T: But she has his dragons – Cutter Rhaegal, Curve Viserion, and the biggest one Change Drogon – whose fire may well be the only thing that can stop the Yankees White Walkers as they threaten to wipe out the entire world. She has a good fastball Barristan Selmy, a loyal and battle-tested commander advising him. And she has conquered before, something none of the others can claim.

V: I may have another option … one you may not have known existed …

*Spoiler from Book 5 Ahead … but it doesn’t look like this will be relevant to the show!*

T: Go on …

V: Eduardo Rodriguez Prince Ageon Targaryen

T: (gasps)

V: I know, I know. TINSTAAPP He was thought dead. But he comes from the same family of pitchers as Dany, and he may well be someone the fans Seven Kingdoms can rally behind.

T: How is that possible? Where is he now?

V: I’ve stashed him away in the minor leauges Esteros to continue honing his skills

T: Do you think there is a way they could work together?

V: Possibly. But there’s only ever been one ace ruler in Boston King’s Landing. I don’t know if Boston King’s Landing would allow for two aces rulers.

T: So it will be Civil War then.

V: It appears so, my lord.

T: But no one knows about E-Rod Aegon, and it will be hard for the fans to rally around him and depend on him to rule.

V: All heroes begin somewhere, my lord. It is with small beginnings that men turn into Legends. E-Rod Aegon may simply need his turn.

T: I suppose all of this is idle talk until Hamels Dany is shipped to the American League Westeros and we see if his dragons can conquer real competition.

V: Indeed, my lord. Indeed.

T: Can I get out of this box now? Surely, it must be safe.

V: Oh yes, my lord. We have been clear of Boston King’s Landing for some time.

Photo by Jasen Vinlove/USA Today Sports Images

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