Steven Wright

Game 93 Recap: Angels 7, Red Sox 3

Just sit patiently and wait for the sweet embrace of death.

Top Play (WPA): Things had gone too smoothly to this point. Sure, the Angels scored a run in the first, but it was only one run and we were in the third inning. Surely, something bad was going to happen soon. Good things can not happen in this, the year 2015. The hopes of the fan base dwindling with each knuckleball wildly flying from Steven Wright’s hands, reminding us all our own inevitable demise. All hope is lost.

Erik Aybar hit a two-run single to give the Angels a 4-0 lead. (0.115)

Bottom Play (WPA): “It’s a great day for a ball game. Let’s play two!” It’s supposed to be a gleeful expression describing our love for this beautiful game. On July 20, 2015, it was a phrase uttered with complete despair from everyone in New England. We knew what was coming, but we watched anyway. Like a car wreck on the other side of the highway, we couldn’t bring ourselves to turn away even when we knew we were better off in blissful ignorance.

Blake Swihart struck out swinging after Mike Napoli led off the third inning by reaching on a throwing error. (-0.40)

Key Moment: Webster’s Dictionary defines “fool” as a 2015 Red Sox fan. A fool gets his/her hopes up after a couple of good weeks of baseball, knowing full well a fall back to Earth is inevitable. At some point this season, we’ll realize that catching up on Battle Bots is a more worthwhile exercise than sitting through another painful loss that sends us on an existential journey. What did we do to deserve this, you ask? We believed, that’s what we did. And we’ll never make that mistake again. Until next year.

Wright fell apart after recording two quick outs to start the third inning.

Trend to Watch: The realization of one’s own mortality is growing throughout the Boston Metro Area at an alarming rate. With every loss, the crushing knowledge that happiness is fleeting weighs down the population more and more. As Don Draper once said, “What is happiness? It’s the moment before you need more happiness.”

The Red Sox worked their bullpen a ton yesterday. They could really use a strong start tonight.

Coming Next: Let’s go Pats!

The season begrudgingly continues with a series in Houston starting tonight.

Photo by Kelvin Kuo/USA Today Sports Images

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2 comments on “Game 93 Recap: Angels 7, Red Sox 3”

Gustavo Manzanilla

“Wonder who wrote this?”
*Reads line about Battle Bots*
*Immediately realize it’s Collins*
*Finishes reading, then goes to cry in a corner about dreadful Sox*

Brian Pickett


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